


A Little House by the Sea

by Haipanda



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2209608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haipanda/pseuds/Haipanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen overhears Cougar talking in a bar and it turns his life upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little House by the Sea

Cougar didn't want him. Jensen felt his stomach sink. He stumbled out of the bar, no longer interested in dealing with the crowd, the dim lights, the smell. He really wanted a beer or something stronger, but knew that would be a terrible idea- he was pregnant, for fuck's sake. 

_Don't get attached, mi amigo. It's a terrible idea in our line of work._

After the Max clusterfuck, the team was shattered; Pooch with Jolene and their baby, Clay off somewhere with Aisha, Cougar had gone to visit his family. So Jensen had gone back to Jessica to find a niece who loved him but barely remembered him and a sister who didn't know how to handle his PTSD. It didn't take long for Jensen to get the hint and find an apartment and a job doing cyber security. 

Cougar had shown up, somewhere at the eight-month mark and stayed the night. He had a new team, new missions, but he always came back and stayed until he was deployed again. Jensen knew that whatever he and Cougar had wasn't anything close to what one would call a real relationship, but damnit, he had thought that Cougar cared about him. He felt sick, and not in a morning-vomit sort of way. 

Cougar didn't want attachments. 

He had felt uneasy that whole day, on edge and about to tell Cougar about the possible-baby thing. Cougar had known something was going on but he hadn't pushed; instead he had stayed close to Jensen and conveyed his support wordlessly- like always. Then Cougar'd taken Jensen to the bar. And Cougar had been surprised to run into a friend from basic and Jensen had overheard their conversation. 

And Jensen had his answer. Not the one he had wanted, but an answer. 

Jensen walked through the streets glumly, inhaling the dampness of the night- it would rain, most likely. Later. Jensen put one foot in front of the other and tried not to cry. Damn hormones. 

The sad truth was that he had to make a break from Cougar. Jensen couldn't keep doing the friends with benefits gig anymore- he had decided to keep the small cluster of cells growing inside of him- he loved Cougar, he knew he did. Would forever, probably. But Cougar didn't want him in the same way, he didn't want attachments. What was more of an attachment than a baby? Jensen had grown up as an unwanted child, he'd never want that for someone else. Not for any child of his. 

So if he was going to raise a child, he had to stay away from Cougar. Jensen felt his heart shatter. He'd tell Cougar not to come back. Then he'd tell Jessica and he'd leave. Jensen was the best at disappearing.

He wiped at his face, suddenly bone tired. He heaved a sigh and saw a shadow with a familiar cowboy hat move to his side.

"Oh hey, Cougs. Sorry," he made a hand motion in the direction of the bar. "I didn't mean to ruin your night. You didn't have to leave, I'm just not feeling well."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Cougar tilt his head in acknowledgement. It was quiet on the walk back to Jensen's apartment. They paused at the couch. Jensen fidgeted with the throw pillow Jessica had given him as a house-warming gift. 

"Will you talk to me, corazón?" Jensen looked into Cougar's dark brown eyes, saw the tightness around his mouth that usually meant concern. He took a deep breath. Make this quick, a clean break.

"Cougs, I can't do this anymore." Cougar stilled and Jensen felt his eyes burning. 

"Qué?" 

"I-I'm trying to move on, I can't-" Jensen sighed and willed himself from crying. Damn hormones. "I just can't do this anymore."

Cougar adjusted his hat. "I see," He said quietly. He flexed his hands as if he would reach for Jensen but stilled before he could. "I will go then, a-adiós, mi amante."

"Carlos," Jensen called as Cougar opened the door. "Be safe," Jensen couldn't keep his voice from cracking on the last word. Cougar paused but Jensen didn't look up, couldn't look at him. When the door closed quietly, Cougar on the other side, Jensen heaved a breath and sobbed into his hands. He laid out on the couch, eyes staring into the darkness of his apartment. Step one of his plan was complete. Now to talk to Jessica. But Jensen couldn't stop the tears, and he was so tired. He'd talk to Jessica later. 

\----  
The little house on the Baja Californian beach was quiet. Since he had broken with Cougar, the pregnancy had started taking more of a toll on Jensen and he found he had less and less to say. He was depressed, he knew it. But he had a baby to think of now, a helpless life to protect. Jensen was good at protecting- he had protected his sister from their father, he had protected his first boyfriend from the football team's homophobic rage, he had enlisted and had America to protect, then he went Spec Ops and had his team and Cougar to protect. The thought of the man's face sent a pang through his shattered heart.

Jensen couldn't kid himself- he had hacked the Spec Ops servers to keep tabs on Cougar's team, still protecting him, _always_ protecting him. He spent as much time feeding their tech mission information as he did when he had actually been on the team. In the quiet moments between mission surveillance and staring out into the ocean, he built himself a life in the small town. The village welcomed him and didn't ask questions, which he appreciated. 

When the baby came, he had the small town's midwife in his house to bring her into the world. The baby was beautiful. _His daughter._ She had Cougar's coloring, dark fuzzy hair and soulful eyes. Jensen looked at her and felt his heart start to mend. "I'll name her Carmen," Jensen told the midwife, Rosalita. The woman smiled sadly, as if she had seen countless births without the second parent present. Jensen supposed she had.

Carmen also seemed to have Cougar's temperament; she was a quiet baby, good-natured. Jensen melted when she smiled and slowly he started lifting out of his depression. Rosalita helped him adjust, those first few months. She didn't ask questions about his past and he didn't offer. She taught Jensen to speak Spanish and her husband put up a hammock on the porch facing the ocean. 

Jensen spent hours in the hammock, rocking Carmen and singing her lullabies as they watched the ocean. He spoke to her in a mix of Spanish and English, and told her how much she was loved.

\----  
Seven months into little Carmen's life, and sixteen months since he had pushed Cougar out of his life, Jensen returned to his home from buying groceries at the market to find Rosalita speaking to someone in the kitchen. "Rosalita, I'm back. How was mi bebé today?" He called as he slipped off his sneakers and adjusted the cloth bag of vegetables. He heard Carmen's happy babble and smiled as he stepped into the kitchen. "I'm making soup tonight, if you want to take some to Rober-" Jensen froze as he saw the figure sitting at his tiny kitchen table across from Rosalita. The bag slipped from his hand and landed with a thump, onions and squash spilling out. He felt the blood drain from his face as Cougar's even gaze met his, Carmen babbling in her high chair, oblivious to the sudden tension. Rosalita looked alarmed. 

"Mi hijo, I didn't-" 

"Está bien, Rosalita. Hi Cougar, I'm surprised to see you here." Cougar nodded, eyes not leaving Jensen's face. Cougar had been in Pakistan on a mission three days ago. He looked much the same as he always had- rakishly handsome and gorgeous; Jensen felt his heart beat faster. He looked away. Cougar's hat was on the table. Carmen squealed happily and made grabby motions at Jensen. He picked her up and tossed her in the air, to her delight. "Hola, bebé." He made kissy noises on her cheek. She patted his nose and babbled at him. 

Rosalita stood suddenly and bustled around, collecting her things. "Jacob," her accent changing the sound of his name. He looked over. "You want I can come tomorrow to watch la niña?" Jensen shook his head. "I will tell Victor to not come back tonight, sí? He will stay with me and Roberto esta noche." She smiled knowingly.

Jensen was quiet as he walked her to the door. "Gracias, Rosalita, for everything." He bussed her cheek. 

"You will tell Carlos all, Jacob. He is good man," she said sternly. Jake ducked his head.

"Lo sé, Rosalita. You don't have to tell me that," he looked at her and understanding lit in her aged eyes. 

"I see. La niña I can watch all times, she is as mi nieta," she patted his cheek and kissed Carmen's forehead.

He paused a moment after closing the door behind Rosalita and took a deep breath, taking comfort in Carmen's baby smell before heading back to the kitchen. 

"Are you hungry, Cougar?" He set Carmen on the counter and supported her with a hand to the chest as she flailed her baby hands and kicked out. He assembled formula and a bottle with the other hand. "I'm making soup."

"Jake." Cougar's voice was soft and Jensen couldn't stop from closing his eyes. How many times had he dreamed of Cougar's voice? Jensen made a noise to let Cougar know he was listening. "Jake," Cougar was more insistent. 

"Qué?" Jensen heard Cougar stand and he turned to see the man approach. He looked younger without his hat on, Jensen noticed absently.

"Jake, you have a baby?" Cougar's eyes drank in Carmen with such longing Jensen had to look away. 

"Her name is Carmen," he offered quietly. Cougar's eyes snapped to him and his mouth parted in surprise. 

"Who, who is her mother?" Cougar whispered quietly.

"Me." Jensen closed his eyes. "I-I gave birth to her, she's my baby, Carlos." He heard Carlos inhale sharply. 

"Is, is Victor-?"

Jensen couldn't help a snort of laughter. "No- no, Victor is- Victor is twelve. Rosalita brings him over when she came to help with Carmen. His father was a fisher and his mother died giving birth to a baby, about two years ago. He stays here sometimes- I think he likes being close to the ocean." Carmen shrieked, making both men jump. Jensen picked her up and bounced her on his hip while he opened a drawer and fished around for a rattle. He safety-pinned the strap to her purple onesie and redirected her hands from grabbing his glasses. 

"I know you're hungry, bebe, un momento, mi estrella," Jake crooned. He ran the water until it warmed, measured it out and shook to combine it with the powdered formula. Once he had her feeding, he turned back to Carlos and almost flinched from the pain and longing in the man's face. "Carlos, how did you get here?" _How did you find me?_

Carlos looked away and seemed to fold into himself. "I missed you," he said baldly. "And you were gone; Jessica didn't know where you went, but that you left right after- after-" he trailed off. "Jake," he said, suddenly desperate. "Whatever I did, lo siento, Jake. I can be better, please. Por favor, give me another chance, I can change. For you both I will be better." 

"Carlos," Jake stared at him helplessly. 

Carlos stood straighter. "That is why I came, why I am here. And you now have a bebé and I will go if you want, never bother you again, but I had to- I have to ask."

"But you said- you said it was best to not make attachments, I heard you say that- to your friend in the bar." Jensen turned Carmen around when she finished the bottle and started patting her back. 

"Idiota," Carlos muttered. "I was speaking from experience. We were talking about-" he sighed. "Es no importante, you left- you told me to go." 

"It is important! I fell in love with you, and you didn't want me. How- how could I know if you'd want-" Jake snapped his mouth closed, but of course Carlos picked up what he was not saying.

"Jake, am- am I Carmen's- ?" He couldn't seem to finish the sentence, his voice cracking.

Jake closed his eyes. "Yes. I was going to tell you- ask you to stay with-with us. But you're still Spec Ops, Carlos, you have your job. And I hesitated. Then I heard you talking to your friend in the bar and knew you didn't want me the way I wanted you. And if you would have not wanted her- it would have killed me." Carlos knew about his childhood. 

"Idiota, Jake," Carlos stepped close and curled his hand around Jake's neck, pulled Jake's forehead to touch his own. "Mi corazón, mi amante, of course I want you, I have always wanted you. And a family with you - that is. That would be. Jake," he whispered brokenly.

Jake's breath hitched and he felt his eyes burn. "Carlos," he whispered and clutched the man's shirt front. Carmen squirmed in protest. Jake laughed wetly. "Carlos, this is Carmen, your daughter." He shifted her to offer her wiggling body to Carlos to hold. "Carmen, this is your papa."

Carlos held her to his chest, eyes wide and hands shaking slightly. "Hola, mi hija," Carmen gurgled happily and patted his eyes, trying to grab his hair. "Jake, she is so beautiful," Carlos whispered reverently. 

"Sí, she looks like you," Jake smiled.


End file.
